I have been in quite a few relationships...and each time, it has been one sad story to another.
And while I pick myself back up and move on🥳
I recently realized that each relationship leaves me feeling more "needy," "inconsistent," "insecure" and "scared."
And I figured, that is probably what makes me settle when the next John comes around...even though he isn't like, Jim, my ex.🤷🏻♀
I've heard stories where people became "extra" in their new relationship than they were in their past.
Like, they never used to care when their babe or guy left home, but now, they stay up awaiting their return, check their texts for subtle chats and whatnots.
I used to think perhaps, it's because the person is doing something funny so he/she wants to be sure their partner isn't doing same.
But then, a lot of times, people only leave relationships, - the person, they don't leave the mindset behind.
I like to believe that each relationship has a mental framework that makes up the relationship - thoughts, reasoning, articulating, decision making, limitations, behavioural patterns, etc.
As both parties interact and bond, they form mental nodes or models that operates (sometimes subconsciously) in their relationship.
When you leave a relationship, you leave the person behind, but the mental nodes (good or bad) you carry on to your next relationship.
So while starting off a new relationship might be an easy feat, I think it is necessary to also let go of the old "mental baggage (model)" you've already subconsciously been programmed to.
So how do you MENTALLY prepare for a new relationship after several heartbreaks?
🤔
1. Figure out if there is a pattern
A lot of times, we keep doing the same things over and again without realizing there is a pattern🤷🏻♀
I remember my ex telling me one time, that he doesn't understand why all the ladies he dates happen to love black so much🤣
Ever wondered why some people only date guys that end up beating them up every single time? They have probably inculcated that into their subconscious and as such, can only attract such persons.
Patterns are the mental models that make up your relationship mindset and they'd keep recurring until you break them or break out.
2. Find out WHY you think those patterns exist.
It is only something that you understand that you'll be able to deal with.🤷🏻♀
After listing out the patterns, then you need to ask yourself, why do you think those patterns exist? What am I projecting subconsciously that I am not aware of?
Thanks a million ma
This is indeed talking to me
Please ma, Can I ask a question?
What do you do when you love someone, and you've observed and noticed that she loves you too,
But you're just afraid to go into a relationship with that person, and you just can't really figure out why